Late last night, after symphony rehearsal, I was talking to my sweet boyfriend. He was asking me questions about what goes on in my mind, the habits of my mind. I told him about the inner critic, about how my inner world can be completely uncoupled from my outer world. How the outside can be so beautiful and fulfilling, yet my mind can feel so diseased. I had never been asked such pointed questions about my mind in such a curious, kind way.
Jason asked me how long the inner critic has existed, how long I’ve had to manage this voice to stay focused and move through my days. I said since the beginning of college, when I left home at 18.
He paused for a moment, smiled deviously, and said, “kill the critic.”
Ahh! Kill the critic, instead of manage it. Kill it, instead of giving it room to have a say.
He continued: “kill it with confidence.” Confidence in my ability as a student scientist, my violin performance, my physical body, that I’m a good person.
This feels exciting to me. External validation that my critic is unnecessary, and I can feel free to kill it. You can feel free too! I give you permission. It’s a total drag to have an inner critic, but thrillingly, you don’t need it. Imagine the possibilities!